eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
