maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
