Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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