I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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