i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
