I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
