did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We left the knife in your bed.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize