Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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