I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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