She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
