put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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