Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The ass gains better be worth it
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