Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
