I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
