atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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