I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
