No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
