life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
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