btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
