grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
