Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
