So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
