I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
