omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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