I want to make a zoo with you.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
