What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
