so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
