I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
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