Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
