p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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