we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
