Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
