woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
