is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
