Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
