Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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