We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
