Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
