i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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