i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
