He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
