Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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