Your dad touched me again.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
