I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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