how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
