If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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