She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
