You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
