swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
