I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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