I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize