how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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