glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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