You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
