The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
