I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
