its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize