I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
