I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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