That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
