Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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