i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hippo gnu deer
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
