you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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