my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
