We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize