No awkward lesbian experiences without me
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
