I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
