Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
