Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
