Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
