I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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