He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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