he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
