Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
