Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize