i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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