Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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