I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
